I had this idea a while ago about a trinity of theatrical works. The first one was trialed and went quite well. It wasn’t the whole thing, but enough to show that the formula was there.
The second work was to be called “Tell Me What You Really Think”, and I was going to use performers’ Facebook conversations as the basis for the work – along with a projector and cyclorama to get the info up for everyone else to see.
However, after coming up with the “(in) Name Only” idea, I figure that can be the feed in instead, and I can layer the rest over the top. Again, with the NIN blaring (well, the soft stuff at high volume) I found further inspiration. Having spent most of my morning editing a 200 word abstract into half of that (gruelling), I hit a song. Nobody was home so I sang aloud to myself and promptly began to cry.
Now I only cry when it is exactly the thing that needs to happen, which for me is incredibly rare. So I jumped on the laptop and started writing about the version of “Tell Me” I was seeing through the tears. It was WAY more powerful than the initial iteration. I’ll pop the free-written script up later, but suffice to say it needs doing.
The best bits (for me) are both artistic and practical. Practically speaking, I get to work with/assemble a troupe that can do much of my later stuff and together we can create a way of working. This in itself needs more unpacking, but is very noteworthy.
Artistically, I get to combine an older idea (series theatre) with a new understanding (proper one off experience), all the while staying within the parameters of theatre while moving towards a different form of performance, one that will grow out of this experiment.
Its like I’ve started to actually hit my stride. I thought I hated theatre, but the drive that hate gives has led me instead to two more powerful emotions – love, and fear. Hate can be directed, but both love and fear make complete fools of us, to the point of incapacitation. I’ve been afraid of Theatre’s demise so much so that I’ve avoided the stage since my bachelor’s degree, but the truth is that if I have something of value to bring to something I actually love, both the hate and the fear dissipate into nothing. I love reading about stuff to get a better idea of where I might contribute, but without sharing that love it just becomes self-love, love of my own cleverness, arrogance, and that isn’t love anymore.
So this series of projects at once gives me a really pretty piece of paper and allows me to share the making of that with a whole host of others. And that is what I’ve been missing for so long.
You see, what scares me the most in one word. ALONE. So I guess it isn’t much of a surprise to find out that I study theatre and media/comm – because somewhere between these two spheres lies the secret of abolishing loneliness.
I think it might be in the simplicity of an anagram – file and life. Its so easy to share the former, but the latter is a different ballgame. My initial mini-project is so simple, because while it touches the life, it does so in file form. The next work is about putting hearts on plates and hoping, praying someone will identify or respond.
So the question becomes the title. I’ll tell you my deepest and darkest. I’ll show you. I’ll share with you. But will you respond?